THE ECO-MISANTHROPE
MANIFESTO

Margherita Giacobino

This manifesto addresses all living beings – animals, plants and microorganisms – who share the consciousness that humanity is the more infesting form of life on the planet, and are determined not to bear it any longer, and to take action to save the Earth in the only possible way: by the elimination of the human race.

The only way to put a stop to extinctions is to de-humanize the world.

Nature contains every gender and sexuality, from hermafrodite snails to gay gorillas, from spore reproduction to home-delivery of pollens by bees, and every kind of social organisation, from the fierce red ants to the pacific meerkats, living in communities where kids are raised by aunts and uncles. The human being is the only one who classifies, eliminates and limits, and then he calls ‘natural’ what he chooses. Enough with the human imperialism!

Actions will be taken simultaneously on multiple fronts. Here are some examples:
Giant carnivorous plants will station themselves in shopping centers, and operate mainly in the rush hours, when human consciousness is at its lowest level. Earthworms wil abstain from work, refusing to digest earth, by now indigestible, and will move instead towards the banks’vaults, where they will proceed to transform banknotes into humus. Zombie fireflies will migrate from country’s graveyards and spread insomnia amidst urban populations. Camembert molds will multiply overnight and colonize kitchens. Yeasts will ferment into stomachs making them burst (this action is already going on, experimentally, in all advanced countries, after the film Alien spread its crypto-propaganda). Pets will exploit their mutation abilities for innovative kind of fights, whose main actors will be piranha poodles, killer rabbits and female buffaloes who will produce ‘enriched’ milk for overdosing mozzarellas. All this in preparation for the final attack, when nanoparasites will infiltrate telephone cards, wiping out their memories in a few seconds.

THE MISANTHROPE’S
GOOD ADVICES

Margherita Giacobino

Are you feeling cyberqueer, post-human and pre-mixed up, and prepared to fight to affirm your non-creed? Here are some useful suggestions:

1) Grow a beard. If you’re born a woman, take enough hormones for a 15 inches growth. Use a conditioner for softness, but don’t wash too often so as not to weaken hair.

2) Prepare your equality claims, i.e. If you’re born male, you want clitoral orgasm and intrauterine pregnancy. If you’re born female, you want to be a sperm donor. (These are preliminary steps toward more ambitious goals, like laying eggs.)

3) If you are tone-deaf, you want to sing at the Metropolitan Opera in the role of Tosca. Remember: nobody’s tone-deaf, and the difference between genders is a trite feminist scheme.

4) At the gym, request a training for neglected muscles (sphincters, pelvic floor, alar base of the nose, earlobes). Avoid conformity; when on exercise bike, pedal with your arms.

5) With your friends, organize creative flash mobs where you strip in front of the Merriam Webster’s editorial office, asking for vowels to be abolished, because they are gender-biased. From now on, you’ll speak only Hebrew (where, as you know, vowels don’t get written down) as a step toward the use of truly p*l*t*c*ll* c*rr*ct l*ng**g. But, in order not to be mistaken as a sionist, take care to plait a kefia in your beard.

6) Integrate plastic surgery to your daily life, have an i-phone implanted in your intestine for intimate selfies (useful also for prevention), and a palmar trigger so you can change your sex quickly, even during PTA meetings, through a simple extro-or-intro-flection of your genital apparatus.

7) When you are tired, or want to perform a more explosive fight, you can directly enroll as an Islamic terrorist, seeing as you’re already furnished with a beard and a trigger.